There's No Place Like (a future) Home

There’s truly no place like home for a season-ending bout.

Last weekend, I got the pleasure of joining the Kitsap County-based Slaughter County Roller Vixens for their final bout of the season, There’s No Place Like Home. With a Wizard of Oz theme, the SCRV Dorothys took on the Lilac City Rollergirls’ (Spokane) SheWolves, while the SCRV All-Stars did battle with 7 + 7, a mix team feature seven skaters from Oregon and seven from the Rat City Rollergirls.

And while the action on the track wasn’t the closest (the SheWolves claimed a 174-89 win while the SCRV All-Stars won just as handily, 169-65), there were two things that really impressed me about this bout.

First, location, location, location! For the first time, Slaughter County was able to make use of the Kitsap Fairgrounds Pavilion. Utilizing a sport court on borrow from Jet City (Everett; isn’t the derby community rad?), the Pavilion proved a great derby atmosphere, with a nice section of elevated seating providing some great birds-eye views on the action.

Setting up the sport court *photo by .00Buck

Secondly, with about 400 people turning out, it’s great to see the fan support. Derby was not the only option in Kitsap last weekend. The derby literally had to compete with The Thunderbird Rodeo, happening literally at the arena right across the street; the Kitsap BlueJackets, who had a game at the Kitsap Fairgrounds Ballfields, also right across the street; Fathoms of Fun, Port Orchard’s community festival; and I’m sure there was more going on too. Kitsap County is one of those places where nothing happens for four weekends in a row, then five different things you want to do are all packed into the same Saturday. So the turnout was definitely a great sign! Hopefully that means more Fairgrounds bouts in the future. And not to go too far into speculation, but word is SCRV may be getting their own sport court a la KitCo sometime in the future, so god luck with that too!

Now, on to the action. I was announcing alongside side Stab-Her Lee and Haulin’ Oates, giving me pretty much the best seat in the house. I was however a little busy, so many individual moments and mentions, as usual, escaped me for these purposes. But, I did make a more concetrated effort to at least take note of some of the skaters who really impressed me. To the action!

The SheWolves and Dorothys first did battle, and while the score was a blowout, it never felt like it was as wide open as it ended up being. The jammers, as usual, were on point, with Onda’ Sligh and Evil Jenevil doing most of the jamming. Sligh was her usual all-over-the-effing-place self, but did take some pretty hard hits from SheWolves blockers that left her battered and bruised. Jenevil did a nice job handling the bulk of the load, but a few jams her blockers had some issues opening up holes for her. Gun’Her Gombos was also pretty busy from the jam line, but ran into similar issues as Jenevil. The only reason Sligh was more successful is because her crazy skating relies less on opened holes and more on opening her own. But the Dorothys did have some solid blocking efforts, particularly from Goodilicious, Throb-N-Robyn and KnockerHer SocksOff.

Gun'her Gombos jams while Evil Jenevil helps hold off a blocker. *photo by .00Buck

It wasn’t enough to keep the Lilac crew at bay however. Jammers Schwanna Boom Boom and Whomping Willow skated extremely well, cruising around the track like flying monkeys.

This is what their jammers were like...only less hairy and way hotter.

They also got some nice blocking assistance from Dirt E KT, Graham SlamHer, Ida B Choazz and others. Baby Snakes also had a strong all-around bout.

Blockers Ida B Choazz (69) and Schwanna Boom Boom (39) work on trapping jammer Gun'Her Gombos. *photo by .00Buck

Again, while the score was never really too close after the first 10 or so jams, both teams kept the intensity high and the hits hard, still making it an enjoyable match to watch. Mad props to one of my personal SCRV favs too, Nerd Rage, who not only busted out a ruby red fanny pack for the occasion, but also sported a green limestone glove in honor of the recently passed Michael Jackson. Nice touch!

Anja Downigan jams while Nerd Rage stylish blocks a SheWolf with her ruby-red fanny pack and her MJ-green faux-rhinestone glove! *photo by .00Buck

The second bout was similar, but kind of the mirror image if you will. The SCRV All-Stars, consisting predominately of Terrormedixxx with some Death Rattle Rollers in the mix (whereas the Dorothys were largely DRR), did battle with 7+7, a mix team of Rat City skaters along with a mix of skaters from the Lava City Roller Dolls (Bend, Ore.), the Coos County Roller Girls, (Coos Bay, Ore.), and the Emerald City Roller Girls (Eugene, Ore.). That made for a great opportunity to see lots of skaters I haven’t seen before, catch up with a few I had, but also made for an interesting bout as none of these girls had skated together previously.

Again, after the opening five to 10 jams, this one was also a blowout. And while it too happened early, it mimicked the first bout in terms of action to keep myself, and presumably other fans, paying attention.

Really, it’s hard to mention any one girl from the SCRV All-Stars because literally everyone who skated in that bout had a moment or two minimum to be happy about. Brawlyanna, Lolli Von PerkiPops, QT Krusher, Ree Arrange’Her, Roller Rage Rosie, Rollin Dirty, Mistress Von Trample, Ruby Rotten, B Murda and Tune’Her up skated did their steady-as-usual game. Ree Arrange’Her was especially on point in this one, as was Roller Rage Rosie. Bashley Blaze and Speedy Guns Haul-Ass were solid jamming all night, easily finding paths through the much smaller 7+7′s. But I was super impressed with one SCRV skater in particular in this one: Anna Barbera.

Anna Barbera battles Ima Handful. *photo by .00Buck

Not only did she spend the majority of the bout blasting Seattle or Oregon girls left and right, but she also took the jammer cap late in the bout. To take it even farther, she scored a point! It was a great effort capping a great night for badass Anna Barbera! Nice work!

I love watching blockers jam! Nice job Anna! *photo by .00Buck

On the 7+7 side, Rat City’s Ima Handful seemingly did all the jamming! She definitely got a little worn by the end, but she skated very strongly throughout. Petty Rage from Lava City and Dolly Demented from Coos County did a nice job, as did Rat City skaters Sake Bomb, Foxy Throwdown, Grim Chi and Slutnik. But my favorite moment for the 7+7′s came late when Des Demona **(thanks to Izzy Wright for letting me know Des is formerly)** of the Emerald City Roller Girls got low and picked a great angle to accelerate and lift Bashley Blaze an inch or two off the ground before the huge (and legal) hit sent her into the sport court. Great hit capping a great effort for Des Demona! It was easily the biggest hit on the night. **(It would appear then that Emerald City was not part of this team afterall)**

Overall, judging from the action on the floor and the final scores, it probably would have been a little better had the SheWolves and All-Stars bouted with the Dorothys and 7+7′s on the undercard, but I’m sure it was a great skating experience for all teams involved in terms of exposing some strengths to continue and some weaknesses to shore up.

On a HUGELY important side note, this was the final regular bout for SCRV announcer Stab-Her Lee, who will step away from the position to focus on her crazy-ass busy-ness, which includes, but is not limited to, multiple bands, jobs, cupcakes, clothes and I’m sure a shit-ton more.

From left: StabHer Lee, Haulin' Oates, Thurston Gore! *photo by .00Buck

In making my official bout announcing debut a few weeks back, it was StabHer who taught me the most, almost always through her sterling example! From promoting sponsors to adding some unmatched wit behind the mic, she’s truly been an asset during her three years with Slaughter County. It’ll be sad to see her step away, but understandably so. And as she’s stated previously, she’ll be back as a fan and I’m sure won’t be able to stay entirely away. But it was great working with both StabHer and the equally witty Haulin’ Oates last weekend! I think my favorite part was when KnockHer came up to me at th afterparty and mentioned the skit we had performed in the beginning, in which StabHer and Haulin’ were the god and wicked witches from Wizard of Oz and I was the cowardly lion. I believe KnockHer’s comment was “You were the stoned guy they told to stay in the car!” Waking lion…stoned guy in car…I’ll let you decide which is more fitting.

Secondly, it was great to see a lot of the girls we camped with in Atomic City back out for this one! In addition to the SCRV team and the Rainy City team, Baby Snakes, Whomping Willow and Schwanna Boom Boom all skated for Atomic in that one. Also, Petty Rage as well. It was awesome being able to see some teams out there with a little greater face familiarity! Although, given that camping trip, some people are probably less recognizable now… Also, Ima Handful and Sake Bomb were both at the Rat-Rose-Rainy scrimmage the week before. There may have been others, but as I said on twitter, I’m “meeting derby girls too quickly. Even derby names not standing out like they used to!” But that’s a good thing!

The afterparty was pretty fun, although I had to head out kinda early to drive back down to Oly. It was great getting to hang out with Ms. Von Trample and Tripart, her beau and the friend I walked with during our 1999 PHS high school graduation!, as well as talking sonic youth with Kitten with a Whip, talking a variety of awesomeness with Jenocidal and Nerd Rage, and getting to freak it in a soul train-style dance line with both StabHer Lee and Schwanna Boom Boom. Needless to say, my drive back to Oly was much dreamier!

Lastly, if you haven’t bought your tix yet you should! Rainy City will be hosting a double header on July 11, now with BEERGARDEN!

Now with BEERGARDEN!

You can find out more about that bout, and all of its awesomeness, here.

Lastly, big congrats to the Breakneck Betties for winning Rose City’s crown last weekend, with equally big props to the High Rollers for getting there! HRMF! Also to the Guns N’ Rollers, who just fell to the Standing Heathers.

One more sidenote I forgot to put in the original…If you need fireworks still so you can blow the shit out of some shit on the fourth, then Slaughter County has you covered!

Blow shit up with derby-approved fireworks!

Alright…see ya on the 11th kiddies!

xThurston Gore!x